How I Am

I’m just some girl from the middle of nowhere trying to get to somewhere

man, you don’t need to look down on me I already do it to myself

 

I’m on a road I try to travel and get diverted to the gravel in the middle

no need to kick dirt up at me I’ve fallen in it tripping over my own ideas

 

Just a girl searching for her purpose and trying to make a difference

No need to check in on me I think I’m doing fine – alone

 

Yeah, I get lonely and sometimes I cry at night, but that’s okay

we all hit rock bottom on the way to somewhere else

 

I don’t need anything I haven’t worked for myself

handouts aren’t the needs I’ve ever felt

 

Just trying to hold life together hoping that the grass isn’t greener,

just grass that leads me back to myself

 

Because, we’re all lost before we’re found as we strive for higher ground

in the middle of a place we know isn’t home and never can be again

 

The walls we build around us trap us right inside ourselves so I’m not asking

for love or comfort or anything that I can’t find within myself

 

Don’t tell me the rain is always followed by a sunny day

when you haven’t seen yourself beyond the clouds in your backyard

 

Somewhere it’s raining every day and it’s alright because the sun wasn’t for me

I kind of like the rain

 

Guess I’ll see you around again

If you find yourself talking about me make the story grander than I am

Just the way you know how to do

 

Just remember to tell them I’m not as cold as you’ve made me out to be

I’m just doing it my way and I’m alright for now

Maybe you should have asked, “How are you?” before you told everyone

how I am

evolution

quintessential images manufactured

with tendrils enticing memories

exposure

unable to endure what the eye cannot see

treading toward extinction

scheming fond illusions in the mind where

God and man

unable to endure the likeness in one another’s image

die

regret

now he loves me

no he won’t

half a lie

drop the flower

destroyed petals

leaving scars where

pastel nights once

canvased the speed of light

in rainbows we couldn’t see

with eyes of diamonds

and mist

falling thick upon

the frozen land where

love once grew

in plastic crates

holding broken pieces

tattered hearts of shame

believing love was real

regretting the game

break away

if you hurt me

its okay

i can break away

from you

so please don’t say

you won’t hurt me

if we change as

time stands still

spinning on the axis

music we cannot feel

and dreams we cannot hear

i will remember

you whisper through the phone

of magical times we hoped we’d share

in that world beyond the now

we cannot bare

the loneliness

when we’re together

and can’t see each other

crying out for love

that won’t break away

from a coast in a world

where we want to be

don’t give up

don’t give up

words I speak to myself

with a heart that cannot hear

you cannot understand

the needs i choke back

as you turn away

don’t give up

too proud to ask for help

I walk down to the river

because it’s not as it was planned to be

tomorrow can’t be seen

in dreams I held yesterday

don’t give up

when the world is your parade

all you say comes in breaths

furious with contempt

words fall fused

a life you cannot save

don’t give up

as the chill begins to crawl

and slip from the arms

that no longer hold me close

because it’s easier for you to let go

and drown my soul in kaleidoscope falls

trying to save a life

you can’t find

muddy waters of a mind

lost in the decadence

as silence slips from your lips

you can’t save what you don’t want

laugh

when love is a force you cannot feel


 

Scene 2 Act 3

you blame your father

he blames you

shrinking inside the delicate balance

for making him stronger

you are made weak

plotting the retort

disdain and defeat

to the jabs of a knife

swords cast

anvil solid

contentment and peace

a disease

contagious with rejection

fear and retort

circles of love

beaten

broken

pieces falling amid another storm

hiding from light

the fog of truth blanketing

skid marks

left by demons who fell to their knees

before you became

you